so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
