the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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