I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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