I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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