Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
