Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
