the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
