Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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