Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
