I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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