You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
