During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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