whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
