Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
