i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
