he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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