im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
