I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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