Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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