He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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