I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
