My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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