I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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