My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
