seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
