I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
