I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
