his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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