Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
