also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
True strength comes from lack of pants
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
