We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
