i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
