just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
