Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You need a sexual gate keeper
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
