we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
