sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
