I cockslap morals
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
