I think my vagina is haunted
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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