I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
