OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
