Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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