but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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