I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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