can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
