masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
