Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
