I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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