Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
