But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
