so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we're making bets on your personal life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
