he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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