Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
